Here are some jokes found on the internet.
Disclaimer: Some people will find them funny. Some will not. I don't advocate making fun of people in any way at their expense. Generic jokes based on semantics can be funny, while personal ones can often be demeaning.
Dating Ad Translations
Want to know what the person is REALLY like behind those "nice" descriptions in Singles Ads? Here are some translations... when you read between the lines
DANDY LITTLE HOUSE KEEPER: She has been married three times and kept all the houses
FINE CHARACTER: She's an ex-hooker
KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE MONEY: She's a spend thrift and great at spending yours
STRONG FAMILY TIES: She's a Mafia Princess
LOVES CHILDREN: She's pregnant and needs a husband
WONDERFUL PERSONALITY: She's fat
GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR: She's fat and will laugh at anything you say
THE OUTDOOR TYPE: She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, just like the guys
READY TO SETTLE DOWN: She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry
LIKES TO HAVE A GOOD TIME: She gets drunk every time she goes out
LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES:Often makes an ass of herself
MATURE WOMAN: She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five
HAS THE APPEARANCE OF A YOUNG SCHOOL GIRL: She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager
CASUAL: She dresses like a slob
DECORATED HER OWN PLACE: Her apartment resembles a pig sty
A GREAT DANCER: She's a Stripper
NOT OVERLY EMOTIONAL: She only cries twenty-seven times a day
DOESN'T CHASE MEN: She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type
SELDOM DATES: She's a lesbian who needs a male escort for something
UNDERSTANDS MEN: She's been married and divorced four times
A GOOD SPORT: She knows two hundred jokes & can drink you under the table
LOOKS AND DRESSES LIKE A MODEL: She's five eleven and weighs seventy-three pounds
BEEN IN SHOW BUSINESS: She's a former porn movie star
KNOWS A LOT OF INTERESTING PEOPLE: None of whom would marry her
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
Bye Bye Bartley...
(oops... another one of those backdated posts)
hmm... i am rushing through this post as i have taken some time off packing my 'little corner in the staffroom' and preparing to make the move back to my humble abode.
hope that there is enough time before the geography department proceeds for their meeting, which i have been cordially invited to, fortunately only for the food part of the meeting and not the meeting itself.
the practicum folks have more or less received their posting orders from MOE, and i'll write a little bit more about that in another post as there is so much to journal/blog/write/think about. i wonder what life will be like after practicum. NIE! wow... far... but it's nice to see the others yet again and trade stories over lunch and during our long travels to and fro.
i'm also wondering about how my 10-week students are doing or have done for their exams. i marked some of the geography scripts (short answers - skills based stuff) and it wasn't that wonderful. but i am pretty sure that the other sections will benefit the hardcore muggers in the cohort.
as for english, that's a really tricky one. i thought that the second paper would be tough, but some of them thought it was simple... so let's hope that the class clears the hurdle without much difficulty. as for the secondary threes... it's their own merit really. at the end of the day, upper secondary students have to run the last stretch of their race for themselves.
so back to the packing... i've cleared pretty much everything, said my goodbyes to my wonderful CTs and 10-weeks colleagues. i don't suppose our paths will cross again?
so... the question that people will be asking: "what have you learnt through this practicum?"
let me craft out some quick answers so that i may recite them should the need arise.
1) set good classroom routines... (i should have listened to the advice about starting strict then easing off)
2) take their EZlink cards! (it is an offence to confiscate a person's IC... so the EZlink cards work because the students need that to go home. for those who live 'next door' to the school, take their security pass)
3) in other words... hit students where it hurts the most.
4) in that sense... i think it is also important that when delivering a lesson, they must be engaged.
there is so much talk about 'engaged learning' or 'student-centred learning'. it is very true, as we(individuals/human beings) tend not to pay attention unless a topic/concept is interesting and has some relevance to our daily lives.
5) when planning lessons, make sure there is an activity that follows the theory part.
6) use the "1, 2, 3" - it generally works. again, refer to point (1) about setting routines and SOPs
okay... so that's my 6 point reflection for now. i'll write more stuff when the time arises!
so the next question people will be asking - "where have you been posted to?" - i'll answer this in due course.
to all my wonderful ex-students:
1) okay, i know most of you would probably forget who i am after this june holiday (or even after the mid-year-exams) but do know that i had a really great learning and enjoyable experience being your 'teacher'... even if you did not learn anything from me =)
2) do keep in touch (somehow) and let me know if you need help - especially for those needing some sort of help for English.
3) remember how i kept telling you that i will most likely not come back? - i won't be.
take care!
bye bye Bartley!
james
hmm... i am rushing through this post as i have taken some time off packing my 'little corner in the staffroom' and preparing to make the move back to my humble abode.
hope that there is enough time before the geography department proceeds for their meeting, which i have been cordially invited to, fortunately only for the food part of the meeting and not the meeting itself.
the practicum folks have more or less received their posting orders from MOE, and i'll write a little bit more about that in another post as there is so much to journal/blog/write/think about. i wonder what life will be like after practicum. NIE! wow... far... but it's nice to see the others yet again and trade stories over lunch and during our long travels to and fro.
i'm also wondering about how my 10-week students are doing or have done for their exams. i marked some of the geography scripts (short answers - skills based stuff) and it wasn't that wonderful. but i am pretty sure that the other sections will benefit the hardcore muggers in the cohort.
as for english, that's a really tricky one. i thought that the second paper would be tough, but some of them thought it was simple... so let's hope that the class clears the hurdle without much difficulty. as for the secondary threes... it's their own merit really. at the end of the day, upper secondary students have to run the last stretch of their race for themselves.
so back to the packing... i've cleared pretty much everything, said my goodbyes to my wonderful CTs and 10-weeks colleagues. i don't suppose our paths will cross again?
so... the question that people will be asking: "what have you learnt through this practicum?"
let me craft out some quick answers so that i may recite them should the need arise.
1) set good classroom routines... (i should have listened to the advice about starting strict then easing off)
2) take their EZlink cards! (it is an offence to confiscate a person's IC... so the EZlink cards work because the students need that to go home. for those who live 'next door' to the school, take their security pass)
3) in other words... hit students where it hurts the most.
4) in that sense... i think it is also important that when delivering a lesson, they must be engaged.
there is so much talk about 'engaged learning' or 'student-centred learning'. it is very true, as we(individuals/human beings) tend not to pay attention unless a topic/concept is interesting and has some relevance to our daily lives.
5) when planning lessons, make sure there is an activity that follows the theory part.
6) use the "1, 2, 3" - it generally works. again, refer to point (1) about setting routines and SOPs
okay... so that's my 6 point reflection for now. i'll write more stuff when the time arises!
so the next question people will be asking - "where have you been posted to?" - i'll answer this in due course.
to all my wonderful ex-students:
1) okay, i know most of you would probably forget who i am after this june holiday (or even after the mid-year-exams) but do know that i had a really great learning and enjoyable experience being your 'teacher'... even if you did not learn anything from me =)
2) do keep in touch (somehow) and let me know if you need help - especially for those needing some sort of help for English.
3) remember how i kept telling you that i will most likely not come back? - i won't be.
take care!
bye bye Bartley!
james
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
2 more days...
it's been awhile since i last wrote.
quite a number of things have happened since then... let's see where i shall begin.
i am currently using a shared computer as i am slowly 'de-kitting' (army term) and packing up my stuff, so that i can bring them home for temporary storage before shipping off to my new posting. where to? don't know... previous practicum batches say that their postings came out at this time, but it seems that ours is a little delayed.
where do i want to go? dunno, nevermind either. it's already decided - so stay tuned for the next step i guess!
so what has happened since then...
i guess the teacher's life is pretty much routine, and it's thanks to individual classes and students that we get some variation. so in brief, life has been - do lesson plan - teach - revise - chase work - collect work - mark work - give feedback - be observed - and the cycle repeats itself.
anything interesting? i've finished all the 10 observations, which is great! on track for a decent pass, so that's pretty good too. but the practicum has been fruitful EVEN without the observations and the necessary grading.
managed to chalk up a fair bit of resources, as well as strategies for classroom management - mostly thanks to the two secondary two classes. interesting characters, each and everyone of you!
i hope that your exams have gone fairly well. i got to mark a section of the 2N Geography paper. a little disappointed with the answers - so you guys (and girls) better work harder yeah? haven't heard anything from the english papers though... let's see if you performed better than the other classes!
alright... it's almost time to go... home! this is the best part of teaching! doing nothing... WHILE waiting for the mountains of exam papers to mark.
like i've said before... "your 1.5hours of misery results in many many more hours of marking for us."
it'll be another month before i share in this ritual...
quite a number of things have happened since then... let's see where i shall begin.
i am currently using a shared computer as i am slowly 'de-kitting' (army term) and packing up my stuff, so that i can bring them home for temporary storage before shipping off to my new posting. where to? don't know... previous practicum batches say that their postings came out at this time, but it seems that ours is a little delayed.
where do i want to go? dunno, nevermind either. it's already decided - so stay tuned for the next step i guess!
so what has happened since then...
i guess the teacher's life is pretty much routine, and it's thanks to individual classes and students that we get some variation. so in brief, life has been - do lesson plan - teach - revise - chase work - collect work - mark work - give feedback - be observed - and the cycle repeats itself.
anything interesting? i've finished all the 10 observations, which is great! on track for a decent pass, so that's pretty good too. but the practicum has been fruitful EVEN without the observations and the necessary grading.
managed to chalk up a fair bit of resources, as well as strategies for classroom management - mostly thanks to the two secondary two classes. interesting characters, each and everyone of you!
i hope that your exams have gone fairly well. i got to mark a section of the 2N Geography paper. a little disappointed with the answers - so you guys (and girls) better work harder yeah? haven't heard anything from the english papers though... let's see if you performed better than the other classes!
alright... it's almost time to go... home! this is the best part of teaching! doing nothing... WHILE waiting for the mountains of exam papers to mark.
like i've said before... "your 1.5hours of misery results in many many more hours of marking for us."
it'll be another month before i share in this ritual...
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