why buy when you can borrow?

this post is ever-evolving...

it all started when i went came across a whole bunch of unwanted instruments! these have been 'condemned' - written off the inventory, which means we can either sell, donate or throw away... so i suddenly thought of the idea:

"why buy when you can borrow?"

context: i was having conversations with parents of young children who wanted to learn how to play certain instruments. when they mentioned how expensive it was to purchase these items first hand and the worry that their kids might lose the initial interest...

the lightbulb was lit!

so... maybe perhaps mutual agreements could be made to lend out 'beginner' instruments for a token fee.

mind you, these are decent quality stuff!

for more details, please email me at the address provided in my profile.

i have the following items for cheap loans/rents/purchase:

Renard Oboe
Signet Bb Clarinets
King Eb Alto Clarinet
Bundy Cornet
Yamaha French Horn
Yamaha Euphonium

it's alive!!! alive!!!

alright, it's been many days since i last posted - when i was actually at Bartley Secondary for practicum... which means many things have happened since then.

let me list out some key events which i should be re-visiting.

1) new school
2) 080808 - 100808
3) new cca
4) geog rocks.

oddly enough, there seems to be alot fewer things than i thought previously! hmm, moral of the story is that one should blog regularly or else you'll forget what you wanted to say!

yeah, i do need quite a bit of tidying up, posting of pictures and all.

for now, the 'first' day of school is about to begin!

dating advertisement translations

Here are some jokes found on the internet.

Disclaimer: Some people will find them funny. Some will not. I don't advocate making fun of people in any way at their expense. Generic jokes based on semantics can be funny, while personal ones can often be demeaning.

Dating Ad Translations

Want to know what the person is REALLY like behind those "nice" descriptions in Singles Ads? Here are some translations... when you read between the lines

DANDY LITTLE HOUSE KEEPER: She has been married three times and kept all the houses

FINE CHARACTER: She's an ex-hooker

KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE MONEY: She's a spend thrift and great at spending yours

STRONG FAMILY TIES: She's a Mafia Princess

LOVES CHILDREN: She's pregnant and needs a husband

WONDERFUL PERSONALITY: She's fat

GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR: She's fat and will laugh at anything you say

THE OUTDOOR TYPE: She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, just like the guys

READY TO SETTLE DOWN: She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry

LIKES TO HAVE A GOOD TIME: She gets drunk every time she goes out

LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES:Often makes an ass of herself

MATURE WOMAN: She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five

HAS THE APPEARANCE OF A YOUNG SCHOOL GIRL: She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager

CASUAL: She dresses like a slob

DECORATED HER OWN PLACE: Her apartment resembles a pig sty

A GREAT DANCER: She's a Stripper

NOT OVERLY EMOTIONAL: She only cries twenty-seven times a day

DOESN'T CHASE MEN: She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type

SELDOM DATES: She's a lesbian who needs a male escort for something

UNDERSTANDS MEN: She's been married and divorced four times

A GOOD SPORT: She knows two hundred jokes & can drink you under the table

LOOKS AND DRESSES LIKE A MODEL: She's five eleven and weighs seventy-three pounds

BEEN IN SHOW BUSINESS: She's a former porn movie star

KNOWS A LOT OF INTERESTING PEOPLE: None of whom would marry her

Bye Bye Bartley...

(oops... another one of those backdated posts)

hmm... i am rushing through this post as i have taken some time off packing my 'little corner in the staffroom' and preparing to make the move back to my humble abode.

hope that there is enough time before the geography department proceeds for their meeting, which i have been cordially invited to, fortunately only for the food part of the meeting and not the meeting itself.

the practicum folks have more or less received their posting orders from MOE, and i'll write a little bit more about that in another post as there is so much to journal/blog/write/think about. i wonder what life will be like after practicum. NIE! wow... far... but it's nice to see the others yet again and trade stories over lunch and during our long travels to and fro.

i'm also wondering about how my 10-week students are doing or have done for their exams. i marked some of the geography scripts (short answers - skills based stuff) and it wasn't that wonderful. but i am pretty sure that the other sections will benefit the hardcore muggers in the cohort.

as for english, that's a really tricky one. i thought that the second paper would be tough, but some of them thought it was simple... so let's hope that the class clears the hurdle without much difficulty. as for the secondary threes... it's their own merit really. at the end of the day, upper secondary students have to run the last stretch of their race for themselves.

so back to the packing... i've cleared pretty much everything, said my goodbyes to my wonderful CTs and 10-weeks colleagues. i don't suppose our paths will cross again?

so... the question that people will be asking: "what have you learnt through this practicum?"

let me craft out some quick answers so that i may recite them should the need arise.

1) set good classroom routines... (i should have listened to the advice about starting strict then easing off)

2) take their EZlink cards! (it is an offence to confiscate a person's IC... so the EZlink cards work because the students need that to go home. for those who live 'next door' to the school, take their security pass)

3) in other words... hit students where it hurts the most.

4) in that sense... i think it is also important that when delivering a lesson, they must be engaged.

there is so much talk about 'engaged learning' or 'student-centred learning'. it is very true, as we(individuals/human beings) tend not to pay attention unless a topic/concept is interesting and has some relevance to our daily lives.

5) when planning lessons, make sure there is an activity that follows the theory part.

6) use the "1, 2, 3" - it generally works. again, refer to point (1) about setting routines and SOPs

okay... so that's my 6 point reflection for now. i'll write more stuff when the time arises!

so the next question people will be asking - "where have you been posted to?" - i'll answer this in due course.

to all my wonderful ex-students:
1) okay, i know most of you would probably forget who i am after this june holiday (or even after the mid-year-exams) but do know that i had a really great learning and enjoyable experience being your 'teacher'... even if you did not learn anything from me =)

2) do keep in touch (somehow) and let me know if you need help - especially for those needing some sort of help for English.

3) remember how i kept telling you that i will most likely not come back? - i won't be.

take care!

bye bye Bartley!

james

2 more days...

it's been awhile since i last wrote.

quite a number of things have happened since then... let's see where i shall begin.

i am currently using a shared computer as i am slowly 'de-kitting' (army term) and packing up my stuff, so that i can bring them home for temporary storage before shipping off to my new posting. where to? don't know... previous practicum batches say that their postings came out at this time, but it seems that ours is a little delayed.

where do i want to go? dunno, nevermind either. it's already decided - so stay tuned for the next step i guess!

so what has happened since then...

i guess the teacher's life is pretty much routine, and it's thanks to individual classes and students that we get some variation. so in brief, life has been - do lesson plan - teach - revise - chase work - collect work - mark work - give feedback - be observed - and the cycle repeats itself.

anything interesting? i've finished all the 10 observations, which is great! on track for a decent pass, so that's pretty good too. but the practicum has been fruitful EVEN without the observations and the necessary grading.

managed to chalk up a fair bit of resources, as well as strategies for classroom management - mostly thanks to the two secondary two classes. interesting characters, each and everyone of you!

i hope that your exams have gone fairly well. i got to mark a section of the 2N Geography paper. a little disappointed with the answers - so you guys (and girls) better work harder yeah? haven't heard anything from the english papers though... let's see if you performed better than the other classes!

alright... it's almost time to go... home! this is the best part of teaching! doing nothing... WHILE waiting for the mountains of exam papers to mark.

like i've said before... "your 1.5hours of misery results in many many more hours of marking for us."

it'll be another month before i share in this ritual...

lessons from the cow

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows.
Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu.

optical illusions

a visit to the clinic...

Two boys were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.

2nd boy: Why are you crying?

1st boy: I came here for blood test.

2nd boy: So? Are you afraid?

1st boy: No. Not that. When I told them I didn’t study for the blood test, the nurse laughed and then she cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished.

1st boy: Why are you crying now?

2nd boy: I have come for my urine test and I haven't studied too!

Differences Between You and Your Boss

(i got this from long ago. no offence to bosses out there...)

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Can you believe it?

do click on this post above to read a pretty cool news clip!

with a pinch of salt though...

proof of global warming

*yawn* trying to stay awake as i write back-dated lesson plans in the staff room. the poor teachers are beginning to fall ill one after another and one wonders who will be next. afterall, with each missing colleague, the chances of striking the "blue lottery" keep getting higher!

as i prepare for tomorrow's class, here are some interesting pictures - as they say, a picture speaks a thousand words

Proof that global warming is taking place

and the search continues...

well folks... here we go... it's almost been a month since Mas Selamat has escaped - where is he? it's like playing "where's Wally?".

i do hope he's still in the country, or that he is found - at least the story has a nice ending to it. let's hope that he doesn't reveal himself after some bomb has been set off. now that would be a Shakespearen tragedy.

it is interesting to hear how the intelligence networks believe he is still in the country - as it means just one thing to me: how ONE determined man is able to avoid and escape the strong arm of the law and the enforcement agencies. amazing!... yes... amazing BUT true.

i went into class one day and asked the class to tell me why Mas Selamat is expected to be in Singapore's forests - they maybe small in size, few in number but can provide a decent living to one who's trained in jungle survival and escape and evasion. who knows? maybe the next exam paper i'll set would have that as a contextual source. "JI leader found hiding in forest... why?"

if Mr Kestari is no longer in the jungles but in the heartlands... then it looks like Singapore is in for a BIG BIG problem - people who are harbouring him... which indicates that the terror network is alive and kicking.

so where's Selamat?

The Song of the King

The three knights sat at the table and listened as the prince spoke. "My father, the king, has pledged the hand of my sister to the first of you who can prove himself worthy."

The prince paused to let the men take in the news. He looked at their faces – each weathered from miles and scarred from battles. The kingdom knew no stronger warriors than these three. And these three soldiers knew of no fairer maiden than the daughter of the king.

Each knight had asked the king for her hand. The king had promised only an opportunity – a test to see which was worthy of his daughter. And now the time for the test had arrived.

"Your test is a journey," the prince explained, "a journey to the king's castle by way of Hemlock."
"The forest?" one knight quickly inquired.

"The forest," answered the prince.

There was silence as the knights pondered the words. Each felt a stab of fear. They knew the danger of Hemlock, a dark and deadly place. Parts of it were so thick with trees that the sunlight never found the floor. It was the home of the Hopenots – small, sly creatures with yellow eyes. Hopenots were not very strong, but they were clever, and they were many. Some people believed the Hopenots were lost travellers changed by the darkness. But no one really knew for sure.

"Will we travel alone?" Carlisle spoke – a strange question from the strongest of the three knights. His fierce sword was known throughout the kingdom. But even this steely soldier knew better than to travel Hemlock unaccompanied.

"You may each select one companion."

"But the forest is dark. The trees make the sky black. How will we find the castle?" This time it was Alon who spoke. He was not as strong as Carlisle, but much quicker. He was famous for his speed. Alon left trails of baffled enemies whose grasp he'd escape by ducking into trees or scampering over walls. But swiftness is worthless if you have no direction.

So Alon asked, "How will we find the way?"

The prince nodded, reached into his sack, and pulled out an ivory flute. "There are only two of these," he explained. "This one and another in the possession of the king." He put the instrument to his lips and played a soft, sweet aria. Never had the knights heard such soothing music. "My father's flute plays the same song. His song will guide you to the castle."

"How is that?" Alon asked.

"Three times a day the king will play from the castle wall. When the sun rises, when the sun peaks, and when the sun sets. Listen for him. Follow his song and you will find the castle."

"There is only one other flute like this one?"

"Only one."

"And you and your father play the same music?"

"Yes."

It was Cassidon inquiring. Cassidon was known for his alertness. He saw what others missed. He knew the home of a traveller by the dirt on his boot. He knew the truth of a story by the eyes of the teller. He could tell the size of a marching army by the number of birds in flight. Carlisle and Alon wondered why he asked about the flute. It wouldn't be very long before they found out.

"Consider the danger and choose your companion carefully," the prince cautioned. The next morning the three knights mounted their horses and entered Hemlock. Behind each rode the chosen companion.

* * * * * * *

For the people in the king's castle, the days of waiting passed slowly. All knew of the test. And all wondered which knight would win the princess. Three times a day the people stopped their work to listen. After many days and countless songs, a watchman spotted two figures stumbling out of the forest into the clearing. No one could tell who they were. They were too far from the castle. The men had no horses, weapons, or armour.

"Hurry," commanded the king to his guards, "bring them in. Give them medical treatment and food, but don't tell anyone who they are. Dress the knight as a prince, and we will see their faces tonight at the banquet."

He then dismissed the crowds and told them to prepare for the feast.

That evening a festive spirit filled the banquet hall. At every table people tried to guess which knight had survived Hemlock Forest.

Finally, the moment came to present the victor. At the king's signal the people became quiet, and he began to play the flute. Once again the ivory instrument sang. The people turned to see who would enter. Many thought it would be Carlisle, the strongest. Others felt it would be Alon, the swiftest. But it was neither. The knight who survived the journey was Cassidon, the wisest.

He strode quickly across the floor, following the sound of the flute one final time and bowing before the king.

"Tell us of your journey," he was instructed. The people leaned forward to listen.

"The Hopenots were treacherous," Cassidon began. "They attacked, but we resisted. They took our horses, but we continued. What nearly destroyed us, though, was something far worse."

"What was that?" asked the princess.

"They imitated."

"They imitated?" asked the king. "Yes, my king. They imitated. Each time the song of your flute would enter the forest; a hundred flutes would begin to play. All around us we heard music - songs from every direction.

"I do not know what became of Carlisle and Alon," he continued, "but I know strength and speed will not help one hear the right flute."

The king asked the question that was on everyone's lips. "Then how did you hear my song?"

"I chose the right companion," he answered as he motioned for his fellow traveller to enter. The people gasped. It was the prince. In his hand he carried the flute.

"I knew there was only one who could play the song as you do," Cassidon explained. "So I asked him to travel with me. As we journeyed, he played. I learned your song so well that though a thousand false flutes tried to hide your music, I could still hear you. I knew your song and followed it."

the original ah beng jokes

to my avid readers... here's a mail sent on 24 July 2000 (some mails are worth keeping ain't it?)

while they are entitled the "ah beng jokes"... it can be applied to anybody out there! so take it a with a sense of humour yeah?


colours of the rainbow

Ah Beng went for an job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind screamed, "Not this man!!" Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Ah Beng.

So he told Ah Beng, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then I will give you a chance!"

"The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".

Ah Beng thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said yellow? Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number. Don't purplely disturb people and don't call black, ok?"

Ah Beng got the job.


Act 1

Ah beng to a long-distance telephone operator: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIMEDIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND LAS VEGAS?"

Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."

Ah beng: "THANK YOU," AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.


Act 2

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah beng's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."

The bartender approaches Ah beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"

Ah beng replies: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."


Act 3

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Ah beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.

"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS.".


Act 4

Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. Duringthe Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'.

"The crowd shouts,"Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim,"No, its Grape Juice!"Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"

Host: "Quiet please."

Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, you think I need their help? I got more oliginal answer :Gu ni!" (cow milk in hokkien)


Act 5

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. He decided to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he become very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.

Ah Beng: "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been overhalf an hour & still nobody has come to help me....


Act 6

In an English class

Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother"
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay & Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo. So together we say Cow Pay Cow Boo (KPKB)"

The teacher fainted.


Act 7

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!"

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But.. what happened to the other ear?"

"That stoopid dumbo called back!"


Act 8

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?

Because below 18 was not allowed.

secondary two english class

this post is fresh... unlike those stale ones where i create the post and save them as drafts, updating them awhile later.

this post is within 12hours of the event(s) occuring. so what is it?

lots of things to mark! to that 'english class' that i teach... you may complain because you have to write 50-100 words... your 15-20 minutes of inconvenience results in my many many hours of ploughing through your work.

i'm not complaining either, i am just voicing out my perspective. i do hope you guys and girls read what i write... not just on your worksheets but also on this blog, because i try to practise what i preach.

anyway... had a 2-in-1 lesson observation today. thank you, 2E1 for being attentive. i hope it was useful, if not you are all pretty good actors and actresses. i'm always thinking about how to improve your EL... in NIE, we call you EFL - english as foreign language learners.

don't worry, it's not something negative. just imagine me learning chinese... i struggled with it as a second language, think about how i will just die doing it as a first language!

so who out there has got ideas to teach the basic rules of grammar without sounding pedantic and outright boring?

to be or not to be... the best is yet to be

Robert Browning once wrote: "Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be..."

well, I am not too sure whether that's the path that i am to take as well. i think it is pretty much the dream of every student who has gone through the blue-red-gold experience to return to the school (family). well, maybe the present generation might not subscribe to that view, but i know some of us were quite in awe of the stalwarts - Mr Ying, Mr Wee - just to name a few.

I shall not mention more names as I know i'll end up missing plenty of them. but two i can recall offhand were basically synonymous with the school and their respective CCAs (ECAs in my time). one was known as "lao ying", and the other was famous for drawing the best circles using a string - draw string from his swimming trunks.

so, i've received a few invitations to consider returning to Dover Road (Dover Close East as well)... what should i do? what is the best choice? what is the right choice?

should i go as the wind blows? or should i blow my own sails? resort to paddling?

if not the beacon of truth and light... then where? *scratch head*

varying contexts varying strategies...

*yawn* another tiring day in school... been having a good realistic and eye-opening experience here - especially after my 13 years in the fold of being red-blue-gold.

had to save this blog as a draft as i've been rather swarmed by work, marking etc (i'm not complaining because i know the average teacher has more!). i'm just not used to it yet. so let's go back in time and talk about wednesday's story.

taught 2 different secondary 2 classes, and boy are they different! every class has their own peculiarities, culture and work attitude. more importantly, every class have different academic needs and interests. i believe that it is a (trainee) teacher's job to discover what those things are and to find the ways to help them grow. of course 'grow' is in itself a rather loaded term.

my geog CT and i managed to reach a good chemistry in teaching the sec 2 geog class. i am also very grateful to her for being able to jump right into the lesson when i had to deal with some technical difficulties.

*speaking of technical problems, it was just the problem of the projector not playing my videos from windows media player. to solve it, just make sure that when you do the "function F5"... select the option where it is "projector only" icon.

back to geog and CT. we also found a pretty cool way of acknowledging the livelier ones and to ask them to help get the rest of the class interested. this class is living geography if you ask me. why? it'll take a 1000 word essay to explain it. the strategy is to have a student arrow another student in 3 counts... so that there's a sense of urgency in the classroom.

oh yes... one more thing i've realised which is useful - it is the usefulness of worksheets to check for understanding! can never assume that students have read their textbook =) so even if you're showing a worksheet which has been cut and pasted from the textbook... they'll always think it's their first time reading it.

wonder if there are any students reading this. i started this blog so that i could share and learn from those who read it. at the same time, if you keep reading this blog, i am certain that your english language proficiency will get better! really!

(having said that, i never did well for english in school - O's and A's inclusive)

Choosing a wife

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man was impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then… he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

whoever said cell was boring?

*yawn*... just returned from carecell at Jan & Sarah's place. it's our very very very last cell there! the place bears some good memories for all of us - from the time the YAM had its very first 'retreat' to our last cell there... where we used 'the force' to re-enact the scene of Balaam, Balak and the donkey. No... Balak is not Ballack, the German skipper from Chelsea FC.

anyway, we had a real squeezy ride in sam's van... where we were packed like sardines, discussing possible podcasts about Mas Selamat's escape and (re)exchanging army stories. alvin beats all of us hands down! he's got alot of stuff to say... do book him the next time you need a story teller!

want to know what happened? a picture speaks/paints a thousand words - courtesy of the girls' cameras.

first up... telling the story of Balak, Balaam and the donkey notice the characters involved... thanks to Jan's spring cleaning!

post-carecell... the empire strikes back! don't ask who's in the picture...

the ride back home!

so... whoever said carecell was boring? Visit yio chu kang chapel's YAM!

of jokes, silly stuff and plain stupidity.

i jumped onto the email bandwagon way back in 1997 when i was secondary four... and being the sort who archives frequently (but not obssessively), i've amassed a bunch of emails which i found to be quite entertaining - funny, silly or just plain stupid. anyway, here's the first of many to come. take no offence, let me know if you feel i should remove them and it's done! wanted to upload some .gif files but they wouldn't animate... so i shall have to revert back to text. here's something quite recent.

5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, " After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized: "Sorry, sister, but the flesh is weak."Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says,

"I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.
"Puff! She's gone."

Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.
"Puff! He's gone."
OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: " Sure, why not."So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying north for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE. Have a great day!